Wednesday, January 9, 2013


I want this year to be more full of awesome.

I want to be an awesome mama.  An awesome friend.  An awesome baker of brussels sprouts and the occasional cupcake, who takes the time to go jogging before dawn and sing a song about it weather it's cold or warm or in between.   I want to keep learning to play the accordion but also master playing trains and building awesome cities of Magnatiles which I shall then protect by whisking baby Sweet Pea (who is very alarmingly growing into less and less of a baby) away to take Panda on a ride in the mini stroller so that she does not destroy the hard work of Young Sir Oliver and myself.  Then I want to put on some sexy red high heels (more likely my TOMS, but they have a feather painted on them, which is kind of sassy) and welcome my husband home from work to a reasonably unchaotic and pleasantly if  (only!) slightly messy house with a big fat kiss on the mouth, arms around the neck, one leg folded at the knee- instead of with a series of  "?"    "???"   "??!?!??!?!!" texts implying he needs to high tail it home so I can collapse on the couch if I don't trip over the dozens of tiny plastic dinosaurs littering the entire. floor.   Because he's awesome and sexy and I want him to know that- hey, dude, I know how awesome you are.

I want to prepare awesome lessons for my piano students and be more creative and caring in my teaching.  More disciplined in my own pursuits- writing, grad school.

I want to be a better listener instead of just butting in all the time and telling someone about MY day.  And I want to call people more and just show up at their door every now and then, just to say hi.  And I want to relax about how our front door and how there's so much glass and oh my goodness, the plastic dinosaurs all over the floor!    Because really, I want people to come over and I don't want to feel like I have to do anything dramatic for them to feel comfortable.  Who cares if you have to step over a few dinosaurs.

Today I watched a video of when Catalina's head was just fuzz and it was only from a few months ago and I want to embrace the plastic dinosaurs and love them even though I hate them because they mean I still have little chubby people to squeeze and tickle, for a little while longer.

And I want to have people over more.  Cook for them more, because I cannot think of a better way to tell them that I love them.  Everyone has to eat, and I can do all sorts of things with a pork tenderloin- people should know!

I want to do more for more people, but I also want to figure out how to focus on myself.  It's been about babiesbabiesbabiesbabiesbabies for so long.  I finally broke down and bought a pair of pants in a size I wish had one less digit.  The saleslady asked if I needed help and I explained to her the whole needing new pants thing.  "How old is your baby?"

Then I had to admit that she was actually a toddler and I had put off the buying of new pants for EIGHTEEN MONTHS, twenty-seven if you count pregnancy,  out of pure denial, failed plans, and the inability to carve out time when I feel like I have time to go do something as scandalously selfish as purchasing trousers for myself.  In a store.  Where I have to try them on.    So there is that to work on, too.

So basically I would like, this year, to try and be a better everything.  Some people have it in their heads that we should be gentle with ourselves, that we're doing a good enough job, the best we can, in fact!   Eh.  If that's true it's entirely depressing.  Because I want to do a whole heck of a lot better.  I figure I'll continue to fall short, but at least I'm falling and not just standing around not trying to jump any higher.


  1. Ok, so this made me cry. I've never read your blog before, but you are even more awesome than when I say you are awesome because honestly you're a whole other level of awesomeness.

  2. Ok, so this made me cry. I've never read your blog before, but you are even more awesome than when I say you are awesome because honestly you're a whole other level of awesomeness.


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